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I’m a Fat Man

Remember me, I’m the guy who wrote the blog on his wife’s weight loss journey through weight watchers. Yes that’s me the guy who knew everything and cynically reported on the failings of fat people and the absolute ease of losing weight if logic was adhered to.

So springtime came to Massachusetts and grumpy old me accompanied my stick insect wife through the clothing aisles of Macy’s in the Independence mall and what do you think I caught peeking back at me from one of those dreadful full length mirrors.

Well to tell you the truth I thought it was my father stalking me but lo and behold he is dead like five years now, so unless it was a ghost it wasn’t him. Truth be told it was the newer fat version of me, you know the one that had somehow metamorphosed into my father.

So I decided I would go somewhere today and weigh myself and I settled on GNC in the Hanover mall thinking that being a food supplement store that their weighing scales would be somewhat accurate.

50 cents and some data input later a neat white slip emerged from the scales informing me to my horror that I was 191lbs 1 oz which according to this machine was the equivalent of 32lbs 1 oz overweight for my suggested weight.

In 1992 which is a long time ago when I discovered that my cholesterol was 326 I weighed in at an all time high for me of 183 lbs. So you can imagine my horror at being informed that all 5ft 8in of me was now an obese 191 lbs 1 oz.

I immediately raced down to the other scales in the Hanover located outside the bathrooms and slid in a quarter fully assured as the machine told me to stand still that the contraption in GNC was on steroids but no as it turns out the contraption in GNC was my friend. This useless piece of $%*& was telling me I was 193 lbs.

I decided to believe the 191lb 1 oz estimate of my bulk and rapidly went into an emotional state that resembled a cross between denial, disbelief and grief for the loss of a “me” that I thought I knew so well.

So from here on in I will be reporting on this platform re my efforts to regain my old self and hopefully in the process lose 30 lbs.


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